Seconds from disaster to soaring through the clouds
Hello world, it’s been a while. The last few years have been a rollercoaster and this is not the end, it’s not even the beginning of the end, but it may be the end of the beginning. Back in 2016, life was good. I was finally making good headway in my career, feeling valued and…
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A wet start to the year
It’s 31 December 2024, and I’ve finally got my house the way I want it after some recent finishing touches. I’m in an excited mood, preparing to host a party for my family tonight. I’ve spent about £300 on food and party stuff to make everything perfect. New Years Eve has always been very special…
Keep readingWhy the British government are so keen not to tackle the increase in immigration
If you look back through the manifesto pledges of the two main political parties in the UK over the last 14 years, you will see that many of them have made promises to reduce immigration or strengthen border control. 2010 – Labour (Gordon Brown)”Control immigration through our Australian-style points-based system, ensuring that as growth returns…
Keep readingCan we have a nuanced discussion on racism?
Yesterday I wrote a piece about the riots off the back of the murder of three children in Southport. I talked about how the media and the government have been irresponsible about labelling all the protesters (please note, I make a distinction between protesters and rioters) as far right thugs. It’s not really helpful, it…
Keep readingCan we have a sensible conversation about the riots
Before I begin, I want to make it very clear that there should be no place in society for violent thugs looting businesses, destroying property, attacking the emergency services and committing arson. I don’t care what your cause is, whether it’s climate change, protest about wars in the middle east or crimes committed in the…
Keep readingFlying fat: My experiences expanded
In December 2022 I wrote an article in response to a published piece in the mainstream press about a man forced to pay for two seats on a flight. Since then, I have been fortunate enough to fly abroad a couple of times and each time I’ve encountered some problems relating to booking seats. It’s…
Keep readingWhat next?
Sometimes we reach a cross roads in life, when everything feels uncertain. That’s where I am right now. Like many people, my identity has always revolved around what I am to other people. Whether it’s the friend that could make you laugh (or cringe), the sweet romantic husband, not afraid to show his affection or…
Keep readingWeight loss surgery on the NHS
Today I had my 4 in 1 assessment for bariatric (weight loss) surgery with the NHS. In order to qualify for weight loss surgery on the NHS, you have to have a BMI over 35, although it can be lower if you have other comorbidities. However, the exact requirements vary from NHS Trust to NHS…
Keep readingAn epidemic of loneliness
Recently I wrote about my own experiences of loneliness as a result of divorce. All of us at some stage in life will experience this feeling of isolation and loneliness. It doesn’t matter who you are or even how big your social circle is. You can feel lonely when surrounded by people. It’s the connection…
Keep readingThe loneliness of divorce
I’m sat in my house, suffering from a heavy dose of man flu, surrounded by soft fluffy cushions, and the modern comforts of technology but there’s nobody to share it with. All I can hear is the beeping of a microwave as it’s finished heating my soup for one and the echo’s of my own…
Keep readingWhat the pub quiz means to me
I started competing in a pub quiz at the King George pub in Hale on a Sunday evening in 2022. It started as a social event with fellow Andys Man Club users. The pub was just a short walk from where our meetings were held, and it gave me something positive to focus on. I…
Keep readingA man called Otto
Sometimes when I’m struggling to sleep at night, I’ll put in a film. I don’t watch a lot of TV these days, the endless choice overwhelms my capacity to choose and it brings me very little joy these days. TV used to be a social event. A show you’d all be talking about at school…
Keep reading2023: The worst year of my life
I’ve had some good years and bad years, just like anyone else but 2023 is going to stand out as my annus horribilis, and worst still, it taints the previous years too including the good times. It’s 31st December, 2022. 2022 was another difficult year, still trying to re-find myself after the covid pandemic and…
Keep readingThe power of a smile
I was feeling blueAt my lowest ebbI couldn’t see it throughTrapped in a spiders web Everything seemed so hopelessHow could I ever escapeCould feel it comingOver the past, I’d rake But then she came upJust a simple smileI could see doors openI could get past this trial Now I am flying highAnd she will never…
Keep readingThe difference a few months can make
So, it’s been a while since I last updated this blog, 4 months in fact. A lot has changed. Circumstances haven’t changed, just like for everyone else, life is still hard and full of challenges and obstacles but now instead of over thinking and catastrophising all the time, I’ve completely changed my thought pattern back…
Keep readingWorking on me?
I’ve been told I need to “work on me”, it’s one of those nebulous phrases counsellors use that seems very vague, a bit like a horoscope that can be bent to mean anything those on the receiving end wish to interpret it to mean. It goes along with the “you need to put yourself first…
Keep readingMental health crisis
I’m going through the worst mental health crisis of my life right now, and I’ve realised I can’t do this by myself. It’s not one cause, it’s been the perfect storm. It started with COVID flipping my career upside down. Back in 2018 life was good. I was thriving in my job, on a good…
Keep readingWhy I wanted to take my life today
The photo above is from my wife’s 40th surprise birthday party. It was in a venue very close to our hearts as in August 2011 it was the venue for our Wedding reception. Everything was going well back then. I was thriving in my job as a software engineer and finally making good money, good…
Keep readingFour Weeks
Four weeks of wonderFour weeks of joyIs she a girl?Or is he a boy? Four weeks of learningAbout all the stagesOur little beanGrowing in phases The pictures we’d takeThe things that we’d doWould he or she grow upTo be like me or you The candles on cakesThe scrapes on the kneesThe school trips, and days…
Keep readingMale sexual dysfunction
There aren’t a lot of subjects that make men feel more uncomfortable than talking about male sexual dysfunction, but I have no filter and I don’t think there should be taboo subjects we don’t talk about, so I’m going to talk about it anyway, including some of my own experiences. Pressure to perform When it…
Keep readingFeelings 65 days on
It has been 65 days since I found out my wife has been unfaithful and 65 days since she last engaged with him sexually. To say it has been traumatic is an understatement. I’ve gone through a rollercoaster of emotions, few of them positive. I’m finally at the point now where the most intense pain…
Keep readingMen and the pressure to provide
Everybody feels pressures to conform to certain expectations placed upon them. It could be the pressure to find someone to love and settle down with if you’re single, the pressure to find a career you enjoy, to get good grades at school if your a child, to have children, or to be the perfect mother…
Keep readingThe female accountability gap
Before I start, I realise that this subject is likely to be controversial and that women reading this will instantly become defensive and talk about the fact that men are irresponsible and unaccountable for their actions and to that I say I agree with you completely. I don’t believe that taking accountability is a gendered…
Keep readingI can do it. I will do it. I am doing it
Back in January 2022, in a state of desperation I started a VLCD to attempt to lose some weight. In fact, that was the starting point for this blog. By the end of February I had lost 2 stone 4 pounds but couldn’t really keep it going, I burnt out. It’s very difficult to lose…
Keep readingBack to frustration and rejection
This morning was painful again. After going away to Swansea for a few days, yesterday we headed back and to be honest I couldn’t wait to get home. Sunday night, despite having a dry mouth and sore tongue, I went down on Mandy. Couldn’t smell or taste but I still enjoyed the way her body…
Keep readingPhysical reactions to adultery
It has been interesting to observe the different physical responses between my wife and I since I completely exposed her adultery. My initial reaction was fuelled by cortisol, the body’s stress hormone. I felt very anxious and overwhelmed as all the details came to light. Then followed a big spike in testosterone fuelling anger and…
Keep readingFloating bodies starting to resurface
One of the stages of recovering from an affair is apparently bodies resurfacing. These are deep seated relationship issues that couples have avoided discussing due to fear suddenly resurfacing. That normally happens later on, but for us, I think the first body has started to emerge, and it’s the oldest issue in our relationship, so…
Keep readingI married a child with tits
I’ve been doing a lot of analysis and soul searching since I found out about my wife’s affair and the more I think about her behaviour, the less enamoured I am with her as a person. It’s not just the affair itself, it’s the behaviour since I caught her out and what that tells me…
Keep readingMarriage and desire
This morning was fairly typical of an issue that has reared its head a lot in the past in our marriage. Last night I freaked out a bit because we’re staying in a hotel chain very similar to the one where my wife had been having an affair for six months. It put images into…
Keep readingWhat do I actually want
In the book How can I ever trust you again, the author talks about a betrayal in terms of an opportunity. He means it in terms of ending up with a stronger relationship but I’m starting to wonder whether I should try to reframe the prospect of walking away from being a “lose everything” situation…
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