When the negative effects of pornography are discussed in society, it tends to be from the point of view of how it “objectifies women”. Very rarely is the male perspective discussed or the objectification narrative questioned and I don’t think you can get the full picture when there are missing pieces to the jigsaw.
First of all, let me explain that I’m not against pornography, but neither am I particularly enamoured with it. If consenting adults want to watch other consenting adults engage in sexual activity, I don’t particularly see that as being something that governments should control.
Sex is part of life. I don’t think the human body is dirty or disgusting. In fact, it’s quite an incredible feat of biological engineering. It’s a natural desire for both men and women to want sex. Our brains are designed to make the experience rewarding. Chemicals such as dopamine and oxytocin released during orgasm make us feel good and make us feel a closer connection to our partner.
Even when we do not have partners we still have the same needs and desires, fuelled by testosterone, which is responsible for sexual desire in both sexes. Some people have very low sex drives, others have very high sex drives and there’s everything in between too. None of this is wrong or dirty and I don’t think we should shame people either way.
It is possible to have too much of a good thing. I know this only too well with my food addiction. I do believe there are people out there that have a porn addiction. For these people porn is a compulsion and it gets in the way of being able to live healthy adult lives. I believe that addictions, of any type are normally the sign of some underlying mental health issue. The addiction becomes the maladaptive crutch that shields from the underlying issue and the addiction cannot be treated without addressing the root causes, whatever they may be but just as I don’t think junk food should be banned just because people with my addiction will abuse it, I don’t think consensual adult pornography should be banned either.
At the same time, I do agree that pornography isn’t really the best way for young people to learn about sex, relationships and the human body. I can understand the claims that some people make that pornography could give adolescent boys the wrong impression about women, in terms of what they look like and how they behave.
I would counter that porn is actually one of the most diverse industries there is in terms of different body shapes, races etc etc. It’s uber-inclusive and lots of women that would never be treated as traditionally attractive make a lot of money from it, especially when you consider sites like only fans. It boggles my mind how much some people make for such little effort and talent.
When we talk about the unrealistic nature of some pornography, I think we’re missing a trick because we rarely consider the male perspective. In studio produced mainstream porn, the focus of attention is almost always on the women and certain people call this objectifying women but another way to see it is that it’s the man’s responsibility to give the woman an enjoyable experience.
It’s not about him, it’s about her, she is the centre of attention and he is merely the object there to provide the pleasure and his body parts can easily be substituted for a sex toy.
The men in studio produced porn tend to be extremely well endowed, immaculately presented and have the ability to keep going for hours on end. If we are to worry about how the appearance of female porn stars can have an impact on girls self esteem about their own bodies, should we not also consider how all this pressure to perform and please women can have an impact on his self-esteem?
The number of boys with eating disorders or gym obsessions is growing, with cases up by a third in the three years to 2017.
It’s no more an unrealistic expectation about what sex and relationships are like for young men than it is for young women. Men do feel a pressure to perform sexually. Look at the film American Pie and how the character Jim is completely humiliated by premature ejaculation. It’s a funny moment in the film because many adolescent males can relate to those fears.
When debating online, men are often ridiculed as “incels” if they make points related to men’s issues, often by the same people that complain about “slut shaming” women. Making jokes about men’s sexual organs, including finding the idea of a man having his sexual organs sliced off is seen as funny. Don’t believe me? Take a look at this episode of a popular daytime TV show in America.
I simply cannot imagine a scenario where a group of male panelists on a mainstream TV show would laugh at the idea of a woman being sexually tortured because she asked for a divorce.
It’s not just one incident. Netflix gave Lorena Bobbitt, a woman who severed her husband’s penis whilst he was sleeping, a documentary series to tell her side of the story and she was treated like a hero for something that would never be celebrated if done to a woman, regardless of the circumstances.
In my opinion, the claims about sexual objectification of women are an attempt to shame male sexuality. There is no equivalent campaign to ban romantic novels such as fifty shades of grey, which objectifies the protagonist, a multi-millionaire not only as a success object but also as a sex object.
We need to start being more honest and admit that it’s normal for men and women to have sexual desires and in deed the exploitation works both ways. In fact, our assumptions that men are the main purveyors of pornography may not be so accurate after all.
Every year, the website Porn Hub releases data about the viewing habits of its users and it appears that women are watching porn longer than men. Not only that, but violent pornography seems to be very interesting to a lot of women.
Of course, that does not mean that women want to be the victims of sexual violence in real life. In reality, the depictions are fantasy. In the same way that many men have fantasies about being abused by their teachers but it does not make the reality any more palatable. Human sexuality is complicated.
We live in bizarre times where the influence of social media sites like instagram and the selfie culture is giving more and more young women body image properties. Sex is everywhere from clothing ranges supposed to be aimed at young girls to popular music videos but whilst society becomes more and more sexualised, male sexuality is increasingly being demonised.
An unattractive boy approaching a girl in the street is being treated as harassment. Parliament is being lobbied to introduce “misogyny” hate crime laws that would be recorded based entirely on the subjective interpretation of the alleged victim rather than any reasonable objective standard to prove a hatred of women motive.
In Australia, boys as young as 11 are being made to stand up in assemblies and apologise to girls for the sex crimes of men as if they themselves are guilty.
Of course sexual violence is a problem and I don’t think it should matter what the sex of the perpetrator or victim is in those cases. Demonising and pathologizing male sexuality, calling for bans on pornography and collectivising guilt is not going to fix these issues but if society learns to be a little bit more empathetic towards men and boys, we might be able to create a brighter future for everyone because damaged people damage people, and there is an awful lot of damage being done to men and boys deprived of male role models and told that the only acceptable way to behave is feminine. That is far more dangerous than what visual sexual fantasies consenting adults have in the privacy of their own homes.
Here are some articles that show just how judgemental society can be about male sexuality
Women are having less orgasms and it’s men’s fault – https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/stress-and-sex/201510/the-orgasm-gap-simple-truth-sexual-solutions
https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/12111695/boyfriend-climaxes-fast-never-orgasm/
When men give women orgasms – that’s bad too – https://coffeeandkink.me/2018/08/11/orgasm-ego/
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a9169991/why-guys-love-female-orgasms/
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