On Monday I did something quite brave (for me), I went to a support group for men for the first time.
It was only a few days earlier that the post below appeared on my Facebook news feed
I’ll be honest, it’s not something I’d usually do. I don’t like talking about personal issues in public. There’s some kind of mental block there that just stops the words coming out. The only acceptable answer to “how are you” is “I’m fine”. You kind of know instinctively that people don’t really want to hear about your problems, they just want to get on with their day, they have their own problems to worry about. The question is more of a verbal handshake than an invite to say how you’re really feeling inside so we all carry a lot of this baggage. Fears, worries, stress and often there’s no outlet for it.
I’ve always found it so much easier to open up in written form, I can be more expressive with a pen or a keyboard than I can with my voice box but I’m at a point in my life where I’m very vulnerable and anxious and I know I can’t beat these demons on my own anymore so I had to do something.
I have tried counselling and it can be useful but there’s always a time limit. Expecting me to be “cured” after 6 or 12 sessions of problems I’ve been fighting the majority of my life just doesn’t work. In fact, it can create more anxiety about the sessions ending. What I need is long term support, somewhere I can go when the chips are down (hopefully I have put the chips down).
So, I looked up to find the nearest club and there was one a stone throw away from the office I used to work in, in the suitably masculine environment of a football stadium. It was 6.30pm on the Monday night and the sessions are from 7pm every Monday. I put my feelings of anxiety to one side and decided to go for it.
I was nervous about finding the group but luckily there were a few guys in branded clothing outside so I recognised the logo and they were very friendly. I went into the room and sat down on one of the seats arranged in a big oval, nervously sipping my water, not knowing what to expect.
There was quite a variety of different types of guys there, which made me feel more comfortable. I was worried that there could be cliques with everyone knowing each other except for me, but I wasn’t the only newbie and everyone introduced themselves and were nice.
The way the sessions are run is that they’re focused around specific questions such as “how has your week been”, “what was a positive from the last week” and “what’s on your mind”. It made it easier to talk, as did listening to the other guys talk. If they could do it, then so could I. The good thing is that there’s no pressure if you don’t want to talk and no judgement. It’s just a bunch of guys who understand what it’s like to be a guy, listening to each other and it felt liberating.
I’m already looking forward to the next session.
If you’re a man in the UK who could do with some support, visit https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/ to find your nearest club.
Rant Over 