The other day I came across this post on facebook asking about “why AMC works for you” and it’s something I really thought deserved some deep thought. This is why I think AMC has helped me, and if you’re a bloke in the UK, it may be able to help you too.
Accessibility
There is no long waiting list to join AMC. It’s completely free and available to any man that wants to come along over the age of 18. It’s there every Monday, except Bank Holidays 7pm until 9pm.
It doesn’t matter if you turn up every week or just when you feel like you want a chat, the doors are always open and you will be greeted by very friendly facilitators who know how daunting it can be to first walk through those doors.
You can’t get that on the NHS. There’s often a long waiting list to access mental health services and your sessions are limited but AMC is different.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t use those services as well but for me personally, I get far more out of the peer to peer format of AMC than I have from traditional therapy but everyone is different!
Is AMC only there for guys with big problems?
It doesn’t matter whether you want to talk about how you stubbed your toe on a table, burnt your toast or lost your keys that morning or whether it’s something really big like bereavement of a loved one, an addiction or breakdown of a marriage. If it matters to you, it matters.
Sometimes when I attend I’m inspired by the courage of the other guys that join us, it really puts my own problems into perspective but nobody is judging you. Nobody is comparing, we’re just a peer to peer group of other guys providing a safe environment for you to get whatever it is you want to talk about off your chest, even if that’s nothing at all and you just want to come along and listen, that’s absolutely fine too. There is no compulsion to talk, no problem too small, every voice matters!
Privacy
We don’t have a whole bunch of complicated rules at AMC but the one important thing we always say at the beginning of each meeting is that what is said in AMC stays in AMC (a bit like fight club but without the violence).
We need to provide an environment that is safe for people to talk, often about very difficult personal problems so it’s crucially important that privacy is respected at all times. AMC won’t ask you to fill out a contact form with all your details. You just turn up on the night and you can have the confidence that whatever you say won’t be repeated elsewhere.
There are a few topics we don’t talk about. We don’t talk about what medication is right for you, please talk to a medical professional about these kind of questions because we’re not experts. We don’t talk about politics or religion because these issues can be divisive and AMC is a supportive environment, however you can talk about how things are affecting you.
“Men don’t talk”
When men’s mental health issues are brought up in the public discourse, I often hear about how men don’t talk and it’s always been a bit of a bugbear of mine. I know people mean well but to me, it sometimes comes across as a stick to beat men with as in if only you men would talk about your feelings the way ladies do, maybe you would have better mental health.
To me that’s just not helpful. It’s asking the wrong question. It shouldn’t be why don’t men talk but how do we create environments that make men feel comfortable so that they can open up.
Sometimes it can be really hard to talk about these issues to friends or family because you don’t want to be a burden. You might be the type of guy that other people come to with their problems so you need to be strong for them.
AMC recognises this. Every week, thousands of men from all different walks of life, different ages and different locations across the country come together and they do open up and talk. AMCs moto is a positive one, “it’s ok to talk”.
The clubs are often in locations that men already feel comfortable like football grounds, but don’t worry, everyone is welcome, no matter what your thing is.
It’s non judgemental, it’s supportive. Complete strangers become friends and we look out for each other. There have been times where guys can’t get to a meeting because of transport issues and another member of the group has picked them up. Sometimes we socialise, whether it’s crazy golf or a pub quiz or just a couple of guys meeting for a coffee. It’s hard to express how positive and compassionate the environment is so I can only suggest people try it for themselves.
What should I expect?
I first attended AMC after seeing a poster shared on facebook. It was a Monday afternoon, I was in a bad place mentally and just thought I had nothing else to lose and I think the fact that I didn’t have long to think about it helped.
I parked up and sat in my car for what seemed like an age.. I could see a few guys in AMC hoodies with the big ok emoji sign on the back and I just didn’t know what to expect.
Was this for me? I don’t really like talking, not about personal things anyway.
I nervously approached the guys in AMC hoodies and they were very friendly and made me feel at ease. I went in and sat down. The seats were arranged in an oval and I deliberately took a seat not too close to anyone else.
I went in with a sense of fear and trepidation. I walked out feeling like someone had just taken the weight of the world off my shoulders. It was a powerful experience. I couldn’t make it every week but I noticed that the weeks I couldn’t come that I missed it, I always felt better when I came and that is not just my story, at the start of each session everyone introduces themselves and why they are here and for so many of us it’s just become part of our routine. Monday night is AMC night and we look forward to it.
If you’re sat there at home and thinking about whether AMC is for you, my suggestion would be just go and give it a try. It might not suit everyone, and if you don’t like it there’s no obligation to go again but so many of us started with the exact same kind of feelings about it, you’ve got nothing to lose in giving it a shot.
The format revolves around five simple questions:
- How has your week been – for the life of me I can never remember what’s happened in the last week even though I know the question is coming
- Name a positive from the last week. I found this quite hard at first, I tended to focus on the negatives but this question actually helped me reframe things in my head. There is always something positive, even if it’s just I made it through the week and am sat here at AMC now
- Anything to get off your mind. It doesn’t matter what it is, this is your time to talk. When you have the ball (yes, we pass a ball round), it’s your time to talk and nobody will interrupt you or tell you what you should do. We’re here to listen, not judge. After you’ve finished sometimes other members will share encouragement or share their similar experiences. It’s amazing how often people can relate to what you’re talking about, it makes you feel less like you’re the only person with that problem.
The last two questions change every week, they’re normally a bit less serious like “if you were a film character, what character would you be and why”.
It’s that simple, grab a free brew (not alcohol) and a biscuit, introduce yourself, five questions. Make friends and share the weight of the load on your shoulders. No judgement. No forms. No special handshakes or rituals. It’s ok to talk and it’s ok to just listen if you don’t want to talk too!
If you want to give it a try and you’re in the UK, find your nearest group here – https://andysmanclub.co.uk/find-your-nearest-group/
Rant Over 