In the book How can I ever trust you again, the author talks about a betrayal in terms of an opportunity.
He means it in terms of ending up with a stronger relationship but I’m starting to wonder whether I should try to reframe the prospect of walking away from being a “lose everything” situation to thinking about what I could actually gain if I let go of the fear.
Sure, I would lose the house, so would she but that means I’m not tied down to a specific location anymore. All the debt would be gone, I might walk away with a small sum I could use as a deposit or to kick start a travel adventure, or I could blow it all on hoes.
I’d still have an excellent credit rating. I could leave the job I hate and be happier with a simpler life focused only on what I want, not people pleasing everybody else! I like the idea of getting a van or RV and just going wherever I want.
I would still have my skills and I could work from anywhere and I wouldn’t feel the pressure of having to please other people. I could just focus on me, sorting out my weight, joining a gym, getting a personal trainer and rebuilding my confidence.
I would miss my wife, there’s no doubt about that. I’d miss the company and the intimacy but then again I could find substitutes for that until I was ready to find someone new and as much as my fears tell me nobody would want me, I have to remember that actually they did last time and now I’m better skilled and understand how the female brain works better than most women do.
It will be hard to see Mandy move on and I think that would happen much faster than I would like as I don’t think she would like being alone but I think she’d forever regret it and pine for me more than I would for her.
It would probably be best to completely cut her off. No social media. Leave her be and focus on the new opportunities to do things I haven’t been able to do before. I will find love again if I want to but it will be on my terms. No more soft touch. I could never be an arsehole. I will always love making people happy but my needs need to be fulfilled too. It can’t be a one way street. I compromised too much with Mandy but now I’m older, wiser and more competent. I shouldn’t fear the death of my marriage. I should embrace it as a chance at a happier future!
I still don’t know what I want and I’m going to give myself as much time as I need to decide but I’m not going to settle for less than I’m worth!
You should always think twice about opening pandoras box because once you’ve done it, it can’t be undone. Trust is like virginity, it’s a one time deal, you can’t get it back! That may well be the ultimate painful price she’ll have to pay. It’s not in her hands anymore!
Rant Over 