Recently I wrote about my own experiences of loneliness as a result of divorce. All of us at some stage in life will experience this feeling of isolation and loneliness. It doesn’t matter who you are or even how big your social circle is. You can feel lonely when surrounded by people. It’s the connection that’s missing. A sense of meaning or purpose.
The only constant in life is change. We learn. We develop. We age. Sometimes change is joyous, like the start of a new relationship, the birth of new life. Sometimes it is traumatic, the sensation of loss, be it status or a person. Sadly as nothing is permanent, to gain something also means to lose something one day. Yet we must go on and face the world boldly knowing that everything we have ever had will one day be taken from us and we must continuously rebuild with vigour.
It’s easier to experience the grief of the things that we have already lost than to anticipate the things that we are yet to lose. I don’t mean that in a negative foreboding type of way but in terms of gratitude for the things that we still have.
I’m grateful I still have my mum. Some people are not that lucky. I still have a roof over my head. There is food in the fridge, there is running water. I have a small circle of loyal friends. I have a car and I have the ability to drive. Life would be significantly worse if I did not have these things. Many people would give anything to be in my position.
Regardless, it’s very difficult to see those things sometimes when we’re preoccupied with our trials. We all have trials. Nobody has an easy life and it is up to us in how we navigate those choppy waters. We can just to spiral in to the bleak reality of decay, or we can somehow find the joy in every day because someone, somewhere is envious of the things we don’t even realise we have that are valuable.
I think about some of the other people in my life and what they have gone through. Take my mum. She lost both her parents, her best friend and her brother through suicide in just a few years, then as she struggled with her mental health, she lost her marriage too. She lost her job, she was a paediatric nursing sister, and she lost her home.
After moving out of home at the tender age of 18, I had to move back in with her in the capacity as a carer in my early 20s before eventually fleeing the nest for a second time to build a life with my wife, leaving mum alone again.
She never complained to me about the isolation she must have felt. She didn’t want to bother me, she didn’t want to be a burden and she knew I had my own life to lead. At times her only company was her carers and the weekly visit by me or my siblings. Losing her ability to drive, having medical problems that meant it was hard for her to get out and meet people, yet somehow she carried on.
Her younger sister helped her find a place that was nearer to me and lived with her, helping her build a new home and I’m so grateful for the sacrifice my aunty made to give my mum a new start. Now my mum has lost her sister too but I see the way she honours her, keeping the tradition of feeding the neighbours with a Sunday roast going, despite having no appetite herself.
There are other people I used to know that scrape by in life, counting every penny despite working hard and I wonder how they cope. Life isn’t easy, yet somehow they keep smiling but deep beneath the selfies and the smiles and how we portray ourselves publicly, everyone struggles sometimes.
There’s no point complaining about the things that happen to us in life. All we can do is make the most of it and be grateful and humble. Despite everything, there is much to appreciate in life. The simple things. The sound of the birds dawn chorus. The feeling of the sun radiating heat on our backs. There is beauty all around, we just have to look for it. Escape our own self imposed prison cells and find hope.
Right now I feel lost. I’m searching for meaning in the uncertainty and I fear I am not alone as we’re all trying to make sense of the madness all around us.
I hope by sharing my story, using the one gift I’ve been granted that can never be taken away, somehow these words will resonate with someone and make them feel a little less alone. I cling onto hope. I cling onto the people that have stood by me. The people that have bothered to ask how I am, the people that care.
To each of you, I say thank you!
Take care
Love each other and reach out to that one person you haven’t heard from for a while. It could make all the difference in the world
Jon
Rant Over 